Repairing our Relationship with our Children

By Heather Bunting

It’s no secret, especially to parents (!), that parenting is the hardest job in the world.

Children are not born with a set of instructions, so somehow we have to figure it out as we go along. Most other jobs have a job specification, a set of Key Accountabilities (so you know what you’re supposed to be doing), and orientation/training on the job!

No-one could write a job spec for the 24/7 X 18(?) years nature of this particular job! So we have to figure it out as we go along.

No doubt we know the value of loving our children – it is a good predictor of their adult stability and happiness.

But how does the whole love thing work? What do we think of ourselves when we get angry or frustrated, for example? Do we worry that our child won’t feel loved at these times? We are human, after all, and we will get frustrated!

Over time I will write about some techniques which will help us parent, but for today I would like to talk about something we don’t hear much about – and that is repair!

Repair is extremely important.

If we ‘lose it’ with one of our children, what is more important than the outburst is whether we attend to the repairing of the rupture in our relationship. After the incident, reflect on the situation and see how it can be repaired. Can you take any responsibility?

Was the ‘losing it’ solely due to the child’s behaviour or was it in some way caused by our own feelings as a parent of perhaps something like powerlessness that the child wouldn’t do as we asked?

If you can identify that the child was not 100% to blame, tell him or her!

The repair of the rupture in your relationship is what will be remembered by your child.

I’d love to know what you think of what I’ve said here.

You can give me your feedback, ask a question by email or post a comment.

If you or someone you know would like a personal consultation, please email via the contact page and I will get back to you asap.

Do something different with your life  with Heather Bunting.